Time after time....

This week is crux week. You wait and wait for little things to be finished, for people to get back to you, for responses from different departments, or organizations, or companies, and then boom...everything happens at once, and everything has to be completed by yesterday.

I think the way in which a person, or a business values time says a lot about their character, and their priorities. To me 'time' is my most valuable commodity. Nothing is more important to me than time, especially now, whilst trying to open the doors of a business. All money is going out, no money is coming in. You can't put a price on how important time is when you're a single, working mom, then add autism, and time literally becomes like gold.

In order for me to do almost anything after 4pm, I have to arrange respite to look after my daughter. Not a babysitter, a respite worker, someone that knows the ins and outs of LV's routines, and her quirky little ways. This isn't an easy task, and has to be planned in advance as there are only two people in the world that it's okay to leave her with for a few hours. So for me, this means I have to plan in advance as much as possible. There's no popping to the store, or running back to work to pick something up, or meet a well meaning friend that has an hour in the evening to spare and wants to help me clean, or complete a task at the store. That's how my old life was....spontaneous, and carefree, and laid back.....now, everything that I do has to be planned in advance because...autism.

This is now my 'normal.' Anyone close to me understands this, and is respectful of it. Anyone on the periphery of my life wouldn't have a clue just how much of a 'thing' this is for me and LV. Therein lies my frustration.

It's hard for me to be tolerant when people abuse my time in some way, whether that be being late, not responding to simple questions that slow down my work and interfere with my schedule, not calling to say plans have changed so I can be doing something else......I have a zero tolerance policy on it. Not because I want to, I remember being laid back but, because it's the single most disrespectful thing you can do to me as a single, working mother of an autistic child. I'd like to say that I'm going to work on this one, and be more tolerant of people that are ignorant to this, but if I'm honest with myself, that's probably not going to happen. Disrespect someones time, and you probably have a few narcissistic tendencies and I wouldn't care to you know, or do business with anyway.

This I have learned on my 42 years on the planet, this I've had to endure more than ever over the last few weeks. Who knew when starting on this venture that waiting on people, companies, departments, banks, etc etc etc would be the biggest challenge? Not the work, the systems, the cleaning, the DIY, the endless buying, the learning new skills. Time, and waiting have been the biggest challenges to me, and now, and only now has it really resonated with me just how much my new 'normal' is different, and that unless you are a parent of a special needs child, then you'll probably never empathize, or sympathize with that fully. You'll probably never realize the ripple effect that disrespecting time can have on the lives of others. Letting that truly sit with me has been emotional to say the least....I sometimes grieve the luxury of having time that is completely my own, being flippant with it, and having any time that doesn't have to be scheduled in some way.

However, we are almost there....just a few weeks late, and vast tons of money over budget, but we are almost there.

Just a few little lists to tick to satisfy those in power, and I will be swinging my doors open. There may be sobs on my part on the first day, they will be sobs of relief for certain. I can honestly say that there is not one area of my life that is stable right now. Not one. This opening a business shit is not for the feint hearted....but there have been many feint hearted moments.

Most of all, I'm looking forward to being able to have the time to truly thank those that have really helped me along the way. Whenever you go through big things in life.....having children, marriage, divorce, grief, autism diagnoses, opening a business, it's always so amazing, and eye opening to see who sticks by you, who falls by the wayside, who's helpful, who isn't. It's always unexpected, and never to be predicted. I have so many thank you's to say, and so much gratitude to show with this. Hopefully when the doors are open (top of the priority list,) I'll be able to settle a little, and schedule the time to do just that....it's what I'm looking forward to the most.

See you very soon vinyl and sandwich lovers. xxx