One is the loneliest number, and other bull shit cliches....

What a week.

For me this week has seen a few minor set backs, heartache, an ever increasing check list, major moments of introspection, anxiety, constant decision making, sleep deprivation, and a lot of forgetting to eat. I may have cried a few times this week. I'm not a crier...my friends looked afraid, very afraid...maybe they should be?

As I stood alone in the new store this week, looking around at what seemed like endless tasks ahead, I realized that all of the tiny decisions that needed to be made were mine. I mean, I knew that going in to this, it's one of the things that I was looking forward to, but the reality of that situation was that it came with an overwhelming sense of loneliness. Nobody to bounce ideas off, nobody to help pitch in with the little things, nobody to carry the weight, or responsibility with.

I knew I had to turn that around into a positive, and I had to do it fast, or I'd be staring down the barrel of a self -doubt weapon of mass destruction, and sink into a red wine induced oblivion.

So, I decided. I made the choice.

If I had nobody to bounce ideas off, then I was completely free to run with my own. If I had to make all of the decisions, then I had full responsibility for them when they turned out to be awesome (which they will right?) If I had to do all of the little things, then I would know that they'd be done with passion, and pride, and carry weight, and therefore value behind them.

In saying all of this, I did have a friend show up this week, ready and armed with a tool belt. He came in, made lists of things I didn't even know I needed, found the tools, and completely took over with a renovation, which left me to consider other things. He was amazing. I now call him 'The Foreman,' and had he not shown up when he did, I may have hit that red wine, self doubt band wagon hard. I'm forever in his debt.

This week I learned that I have something in common with LV.

I can be very straight forward. Particularly when under stress. Years of working in restaurants has enhanced this trait. In a kitchen, during service, nobody has time to be overly polite, or sugar coat instructions, we use the least time consuming dialogue possible, get on with the task at hand, and then have a nice, polite beer with each other when service is over. It's efficient. I carry this into my personal life when stressed. It appears blunt, and impolite I am certain, but at the time, I don't realize I'm doing it. Someone asks me what they can do....I tell them in as few words as possible, directly, and concisely. Time management. In my career it's worked wonders....personal relationships...not so much!

This is a very common trait among people on the spectrum. It's one of the things I cherish most about LV....you always know exactly where you stand with her. Nothing is ever sugar coated. I love the fact that this kid will probably never lie to me. I think of it as a gift. I can honestly say that I didn't realize that I have a strong tendency to be that brutally honest too...I mean I always knew I was never the kind of friend to tell you what you wanted to hear as opposed to the honest truth, but I didn't realize just how similar I was to LV in this way. So, yeah...lot's of introspection, and learning about ways I need to take time to fancy up my language a bit now and then to cushion things for others, but I have something in common with my daughter,and that's pretty cool because it's taken 4 years to find it. And, now that I've found it, I understand what I need to do to help her with that (totally lovable in my opinion) trait. In order to do that though, I need to work on it myself. I need to sit and take a breath before answering direct questions, and consider how my directness will be received...and maybe start sugar coating shit a little bit...because...feelings get hurt when I'm straight to the point!

This I've learned. I will do better, because I know better.

I've also had some pretty beautiful moments with friends this week, real compassion, and caring, and small but strong gestures of sincere love. People that I care about, actually showing their care for me....that's what keeps us all going really...there's real fucking beauty in that.

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There's been great progress in the store this week. It's starting to take shape. Still a lot to do, but all in all, a week of personal, and professional growth...despite the set backs, and the heartache etc etc etc...

Hopefully be spinning the good stuff for you soon......