"Once more into the breach...."

I've been waiting all summer for the perfect opportunity to come up in order to start my own business.

I have no option but to work for myself.

Explaining to an employer that I'm late because my daughters morning routine wasn't exactly the same as the previous five days, and led to a meltdown that took twenty minutes to recover from isn't easy. Explaining that I have to leave at 2pm because the school called to say that she is unable to calm, or bolted away on an outing isn't easy either.

Scheduling all of LV's extra appointments around a work schedule is tricky too. If you get 10 days annual leave, and have to use them all on paediatricians, OT, speech pathologists, etc... then when do you actually vacation with your kid?

However, I'm on my own here, and we need to keep a roof over our head, and we need to eat, so work I must.

I'm also acutely aware that no matter how bright and intelligent my daughter is, statistics for employment for people on the spectrum are shocking, so I am constantly thinking about how I can create something that she can do to provide for herself someday, something that I can show her, and hand over to her.

As I typed that last sentence I realize that's probably not the 'norm' for a parent of a four year old...life is full of moments like that for me.

Here's a brief summary of what has happened in the last week.

I was offered a store.

I said yes.

I borrowed as shit ton of money to buy store.

I put my house up for sale in order to release equity and pay back shit ton of money.

I made an offer on a very tiny house.

Offer was accepted (I just need mine to sell now!)

I set myself up as a business.

Got a business bank account.

Contacted distributors about products and services, lined up some great resources.

Met with logo designer.

Had a collaborative meeting at my daughters pre-school to ensure that we were all on the same page with her extra needs (10 amazing women sat around a table discussing what this little girl needs from us to succeed. How incredible is that?)

I parented...that's a constant.

I learned who supports me.

I learned who zaps my energy, and who makes me doubt myself.

I learned that I'm not good with waiting on people to do things.

I've kept my house spotless in case we get a viewing (that's really fucking hard...see 4 year old!)

I've advertised stuff I need to sell on kijiji (draining!)

I've contacted people to help turn this store into the space I need.

It's been a lot, but it feels exciting.

There are moments of extreme fear, but they are only moments, and nobody got anywhere in life by letting their fears take over. If I don't do this now, it will always be a 'what if....,' well fuck what if's, I'm doing this.

So in the very near future I will be moving home (hopefully, otherwise I'm totally broke,) and opening up a vinyl cafe. Yes, a cafe that also sells records....

As this is happening I will have behavioural psychologists coming in and out of my home to help me, help LV through the transitions and changes. It's intrusive but needed. This is my normal.

It is my hope that I can create a space in our city where all are welcome. Geeks, freaks, and weirdos.....you are my people. 'Normal' is welcome too, as long as the attitude is an open one.

It is my hope that this will pay the mortgage, and the bills, and the food shopping. I'm not looking to be a gazillionaire, just to survive, to live, and to provide. It's going to be some time before I take a wage for myself, and yes that's a worry, but I have to risk it. It feels right. Nobody is coming to rescue us here. All this little girl has on the daily is me, so I'd better be happy, and I'd better be strong, and I'd better be providing, because she sees everything.

It's my intention to write about my experiences with this adventure here. Like a blog husband or best girlfriend.....I need to get it out, to share it, to find a village that supports me in this endeavor.

I will share the good, bad, and ugly, but hope it's mostly good.

I hope to raise autism acceptance as I write, that's always my goal in everything I do. I figure it's time I had a little platform to do that from.

So...join me if you will, I'd love the company.

Lisa. x

PS, If you know anyone that wants to buy a lovely house, let me know.....