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It's a Mission Statement, not a memo....(pour yourself a glass of wine or two, get comfortable,

Last week I watched "Jerry Maguire." Don't judge me, it was on TV, and I had a 4 year old snuggled into my chest sleeping, and I couldn't reach the remote control without moving her. Anyway, I watched it. First of all, how was this film ever successful? The protagonist, despite his mission statement was a narcissistic creep, preying on the kindness, and vulnerability of a single mother. What a douche bag. Even his "you complete me" line was borrowed. He never actually redeems himself in this film, he's a douche from start to finish. And Ms Z's character (I'm not spelling that,) is so bloody needy. Don't get me wrong, we've all fallen for a pretty face spewing bullshit lines at us from time to time, but c'mon woman...marriage? Nope, not buying into it, she was far better of running her own show....that one is ending in divorce for sure. I wish they'd made a sequel...one in which she frees herself from his narcissistic clutches. Anyway...I'm getting side tracked from my reason for bringing this up. His mission statement got me thinking.

His mission statement was about building community, and relationships, and not just being in it for the dollar, and that reminded me of a blog that I posted before I opened the doors of my store. I wrote about wanting to raise Lily in an inclusive community, one where there would be people that she could rely on, that would have her back, somewhere that she felt like she belonged.

I don't know if parents of neuro-typical kids think about what their kids will do as adults, who they'll rely on, if they'll be able to live unassisted, but it's pretty much a constant thought in my head. Whilst striving towards LV being independent of me someday, it's always a lingering thought, and therefore the driving force behind everything that I do. Starting this business was all about building a community that she could thrive in, having her learn to do tasks at the store, interact with people, feel a sense of belonging, and learning to be independent someday. I know that she's only four, but that's a thing in our autistic world...we are always aiming towards independent living someday.

Anyway, since opening my doors three weeks ago, I've met some lovely people, sold some paninis, sold some vinyl, started to get my groove on in that space, and have been thoroughly enjoying myself. LV has been in with me at times, and seems to like it so far too.

Last Saturday however, I started to get a little concerned. Downtown Red Deer was like a ghost town. No cars in the parking stalls (despite parking being free on weekends,) no foot traffic. Nobody to be seen. It was a beautiful, sunny, warm December day, and I just couldn't understand it. It hit me eventually of course...Christmas...everyone was at the Mall!

Ouch.

Personally, If I had the luxury of a Saturday off and needed to buy gifts, strolling in our downtown core is what I'd be doing on a sunny day. There's so much to do and see, and buy there....and more importantly, it's all locally owned, and operated. The dollar you spend in a local business goes to a single parent struggling to get by, or that young couple who are about to start a family, or the guy who's been hard at it for 40 years and is desperate to retire, or the couple that live the most humble life but are thoroughly committed to community, and supporting local, and therefore keep plugging away until the mindset shifts.

I'm going to name a handful of businesses in downtown Red Deer, just a handful, there are so many more, and I would put money on at least half of the population of this town having never heard of them.

Dose coffee...great place to start the day before shopping for gifts.

Imagine Vintage Wear opposite Dose, amazing clothes, shoes, one off items you won't find anywhere else....run by the ever delightful Peggy, who also lives downtown...she's fully committed!

The Joshua Tree, run by the charming Vicky, who unfortunately had her window smashed through this week, nothing stolen, just a random act of vandalism. This place is a treasure trove, it's amazing, go there, just go.

The Country cupboard. Couldn't be any more Christmasy if it tried!

Sunworks. When I first discovered Sunworks I didn't want to leave, I felt like I was back in Europe again. Books, kitchen equipment, all kinds of artisinal goodies. Amazing little store.

Housewarmings. Some pretty awesome women run this store, and honestly, if you can't find a gift for someone in this store then they're a lost cause. You could spend a good two hours in this place alone.

Places to go for lunch...

The Red Boar Smokery. It's amazing if you like meat...which I do!

La Casa Pergola. Italian lunch anyone?

LV's Vinyl Cafe (shameless plug.)

The Coconut Room next door to me, above Sunworks...great selection of vegan and veggie options to be found there.

There's an Indian restaurant, a Vietnamese restaurant...seriously, something for everyone's taste.

I mean I like New York Fries as much as the next person, but mall food seriously lacks ambience.

Once you're done shopping To The Lost is the perfect place for cocktails, or Forgotten Alley for Tiki style drinks.

Downtown has a comic book store, yoga studios, music shops, amazing shoe stores, clothes stores, now it has two record stores (again shameless plug.)

Why are you at the mall? You have a vibrant city thing happening here Red Deer, use it...or LOSE it!

Don't line the pockets of American CEO's who are buying their kids a Porsche for Christmas. Buy something from your very own community and help a Dad buy his kid a few gifts this Christmas. Keep the dollars here, we need them.

If people are not mindful of where they are spending their hard earned dollars this 'town' will turn into a giant mall, a giant parking lot, and a cultural void. Nobody wants that really do they?

You can see live music in Red Deer seven nights a week...same faces in the crowd at every venue, same faces in the audience of every theatre event, every comedy night.

Where is everyone?

Netflix and Tinder have zombified us people! Turn the TV off and meet new people. Trust me on this one, it's awesome. No fear of people feeding you bullshit on their profile (not to mention the fear of unsolicited 'dick pics.') I dare you, put down your remote, your phone, and leave the house...it's awesome out there!

That's my two cents on that topic, but it does tie in with my main reason for writing this post, so I thought it worth sharing.

This week, at 3:30am on Wednesday morning the police came to my home to tell me that my new store had been broken into. Heart broken doesn't begin to describe the feeling. I felt physical pain. Shooting pains in my stomach. My daughter was sleeping so I couldn't get there until she woke up. Thank fully my business neighbours Paul and Terry had been alerted and were at the scene, and boarded it up as best as they could until daylight. (Thank you P and T!)

I immediately felt a rush of anger. That was my first emotion. This person had stolen from me and LV. Everything I have ever owned, and worked for has gone into this store, into this space for LV to grow into, this ambition I have to be able to support LV flying solo. I've no money left. I was struggling to think of how and where I'd get money to purchase any gifts this Christmas, after lease payments, bills, payroll, merchandise, I knew there'd be nothing left so the thought of having to replace a door, and the money stolen made me angry. I wrote a small status update on facebook whilst I was feeling that way.

I sat awake from that point on. My next feeling was one of compassion, which freaked me out a little bit. This guy that stole from me...how desperate must he be? The adrenaline that must surge through a persons body as they smash someones property and steal from them, how desperate do you have to be to reach that point? What kind of existence must he have to be at that point in his life? I've thought about him a lot this week.

He's made me feel vulnerable, and violated at times, but he mostly makes me feel sad. He's someones kid too, possibly someones parent, who knows, but it's sad that there are people that need to live the way he does. Maybe I'm naive, but surely if you're doing smash and grabs at 3am, then you at least believe that you've no other option.

My daughters father came early to my house to get LV off to school for me so that I could get to the store early and see the damage. I cried on arrival. LV's Dad then came to help me with the glass clean up (thanks Jer,) and man does glass get everywhere. I was in a bit of shock as the cleaning was taking place I think, but I was determined to open that day.

Just before opening a reporter from The Advocate arrived. I still have no idea really what I said to her, I was far too emotionally raw to be coherent I'm sure, I just remember begging her not to take my picture because "I hadn't slept and looked like shit!' It's good to know that my shallow streak kicks in even during a crisis.

I called someone to fix the door to the despair of my over used credit card, I made coffee, made sandwiches, played music, and figured I'd just get on with the day.

What happened next is where the real story here lies.

It's very hard for me to recall each and every incident, encounter, and act of complete unadulterated kindness because I have been so fortunate to be on the receiving end of so many of them in the last 48 hours, that my head is still spinning.

I won't name names, as I'm terrified of leaving people out, and because of all the names that I don't know, I'll just tell you of some of the amazing things that have happened.

The messages from friends, the 'how can I helps?' it's possible that I've not responded to all of them because there has been so much happening.

The friends that came in and bought all the vinyl they could afford to buy, all the sandwiches, booked future parties in my venue.

The people that I don't know that heard my story and came in and did the same thing.

The people that bought a cookie for $2.50 and left a $150 tip.

The people that came in to buy a panini but left envelopes as they were leaving so that I couldn't refuse.

Gift certificates from other single moms that I've never even met being dropped off at my store.

A huge box full of brand new, beautiful toys for LV for Christmas so that I'd have one less thing to worry about.

The ex single mom who bought vinyl and left an envelope that literally changes the game for me this month.

The retired guys who play on a hockey team and did a chip in for me when they heard my story.

The people that offered to fix my door for free, not realizing I had already done it. (That tip on the banana bread was far too much!)

The moms that brought their autistic kids in for a visit...my heart is exploding here!

The friends that turned up just to be around for me. Just for moral support when I needed it most.

There is no etiquette book for this. I've no idea if I acted graciously to people or not, as I've mostly just sobbed. My reaction has not been pretty, but it has been honest. The tears will not let up.

One poor gentleman came in handed me some cash, which he begged me to take, and said that his grandchild has special needs and he has watched his daughter struggle to work, so he thought that what I was doing was wonderful. I literally sobbed in his arms. I don't know his name. So many strangers have hugged me and held me during sobs. It should be embarrassing, but it's not. The human connection here is a wonderful thing.

I have this huge fear that I will walk by some of these people on the street and not recognize them, as there have been so many strangers coming and going, and giving that it is hard to keep track.(Please stop me if you see me, I would like the opportunity to thank you without sobbing!)

The high school student that wrote to me to offer free babysitting services as her brother is on the spectrum, and she has an understanding of how difficult things can be.

All of the special needs community.

All of the social media warriors that have posted and advertised for me.

The lovely, talented, kind, sweet musician friend that had people send him money to give to me.

I don't know how to say thank you to any of you. It doesn't feel sufficient enough.

Because here is the thing. I was the victim of theft and vandalism two days ago, and yet these two days have been the most heart warming of my entire life.

You see, if you smash a door and steal money from a big mall or chain, then they just fix it and keep going. If it happens to someone like me, it really is make or break, which is why I urge you to shop within your community and support local, because we have the most amazing community. We really do. That guy that stole from me, he is not the real story here, he is not representative of the community we live in, he is just a very small part of it. Red Deer is generous, kind, community minded, supportive. And no, I do not regret locating in the heart of this city, because this city now has my heart and I will endeavour to keep going, stay open, and pay it forward, because this has proven that my original mission statement is without question achievable. I am very proud to be raising LV among you Red Deerians, and I will find ways to thank you for reaching out to me this week. Promise.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot wait to tell LV this story someday. It truly has been a beautiful couple of days.

PS, I do have many opinions about crime prevention downtown. I will save them for another post..

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